Can I really save my relationship? Becoming a catalyst -- Why your relationship isn't the problem -- Insecurity and control : relationship baggage -- Self-coaching : eliminating your contribution to the problem -- Are you a tiger, turtle, elephant, chihuahua, or peacock? Learning your reflexive personality style -- Assessing your reflexive personality patterns -- Sketching your self-portrait -- Self-talk : how to let go of personal baggage -- Self-talk step two : stop listening to what hurts you -- Self-talk step three : letting go of what hurts you -- Sketching a relationship portrait : seeing the whole problem -- Creating a relationship vacuum -- Working with self + self = us portraits -- Coaching each other : risking trust -- Putting it all together : follow-through -- Love, infatuation, and infidelity -- True love, great sex : a self-coaching understanding -- The ten essential principles of successful relating.