Selflessness as an addiction -- The role of the unconscious -- Mask or masquerade? -- When being good goes bad -- The illusion of closeness -- Primed to please -- The pursuit of the lost self -- Life beyond trauma -- Three R's: rebuilding, retraining, recovery -- Once a please addict, always a please addict?
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Psychotherapist Barbanell (supervisor, New Jersey Inst. for Training; Removing the Mask of Kindness) presents an important analysis of the less-known "caretaker personality disorder," characterized as an addiction to helping others. These unusual caregivers have a craving to please and an uncontrollable desire to give without receiving. While the initial positive response from the receivers is the "high" for the helping caregiver, many receivers soon begin to feel intruded upon and controlled by the obsessive caregiver. Here, he offers insights gleaned from his unique practice; explains the basic traits of the addiction, the role of the unconsciousness in the etiology of the disorder, and typical masks that hide underlying emotional turmoil; and presents practical suggestions for long-term recovery and stability.